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Just another shadow in the darkness I shall become. Quickly fading from your thoughts.
A shadow hidden inside darkness may never actually be found. It blends with all that is around.
Should I ever attempt to peer from which to the darkness I adhere. I may hope that you appear.
Far, far away about to disappear.

–

My attempt to add a little bit of life to this site of mine.
What do you think?

I recently started working for a new company, which at this time shall remain nameless. This is the last day of my second week and i felt the urge to write down a few thoughts i have about the experience thus far.

So far i am very satisfied with my decision to seek and gain employment with this company. The people here are all amazing and very nice. Even my trainer who in the beginning

 was so very annoying because she spoke as if i was a child or ignorant. But this has since changed and i believe she meant well and she really is a sweet woman. She has been very helpful and informative when i have a problem or need a question answered,

I must say that the benefits of working here are truely great. The pay while it may not be amazing is satisfactory for the required work. The benefits package after my 90 day period will be awesome to have. 100% full medical coverage paid for by the company is unheard of anymore and it really shows that the company gives the best to the employees.

The actual work involved with the department that i have been assigned to will become a almost thoughtless process of which i am not really looking forward to. But from the beginning i figured that it would not be enough to keep my mind going all the time. It would take a lot of work that changes from day to day to keep me completely happy and interested. But even so i dont have any fear that i will become overly tired of the job. The people that i work with like to joke around and are as i mentioned earlier very likable so that should be enough to keep me satisfied for a good while.

Since being here the Computer Admin and I have spoke a few times and of course wound up on the subject of… thats it you guessed it, computers and some of my future goals. I believe he has inspired me to start working towards my goals now. I am currently taking practice A+ certification tests to judge where my knowledge is and figure out what my weaknesses are. I hope that soon i feel confident enough to go take the actual A+ test and get my first certification. This would truely make me happy to have some type of proof from an exam to show what i know. I believe this would be a major step in the right direction to work towards an IT career in the near future. Sadly i believe until i get completely settled and feel secure in this job that i am going to have to hold off on looking into actual college courses to start working towards a degree. But if i can get some certifications that would keep me happy and feeling like i am moving in the right direction. Needless to say i am very excited about my new found motivation. I am ready to prove to others and myself mostly that i can make something of myself.

I also have been dabating on taking a couple courses in Autocad to see if i can get the hang of it and find out if it would be something i could learn to enjoy messing with. This was brought on by the opportunity to gain an opportunity to work for a man that i look up to greatly and is a good friend. He has been a great motivator as well. Always has time to help me out, answer some questions, always given good advice and tryed to push me in a positive direction. For this i greatly thank him for being a friend.

Have a great day world. It feels so good to be in a happy/excited mood again. ;-D

So why when i try to be a good person do i constantly feel this pain. Let down after let down is becoming a bit bothersome to me. If only someone could see the knives that have been plunged deep in my back time after time. I have a wounded heart and soul, that should not be taken for granted and tossed aside.

As much as i enjoy helping people you would think that some good would come of it. But it would seem to me that i am in a category that should be named ‘Usable’. I am the person that you can call in the middle of the day, middle of the night or any other time, that would willingly come running to help you in your time of need. Is this not a good quality? Shouldn’t this type of person be adored and loved for being a truly dependable person? If the answer to either of those questions is yes, why then do i feel no appreciation for being dependable. . .

I have come to the conclusion that i shall no more be anyones ‘bitch’, ‘go to guy’ or any other title that depicts me as a person you can call on for help. I have allowed myself to be taken advantage of for far too long and you know what its time for some ‘me time’. From this point forward unless you are a person i greatly cherish and have sworn to myself to always be there for you are going to find out how heartless and unemotional i can become.

Your new true #1 Asshole,

Eric R.

—-

In other news, I sadly have to work the rest of this week. Yes, including the holidays. I do believe i have worked every holiday in the past 3 months. Even though i don’t have family to spend the holidays with or any plans on holidays for that matter it kind of sucks having to work them all. Mainly because everyone else is off work and nothing goes on so it is boring as hell. I can not wait for a new beginning at another place. I hope and pray everyday for the phone call telling me to put in my 2 week notice because something better has came through for me. I am in desperate need for some good things to come my way. I would almost go as far to say that i deserve it. But thats not really for me to decide.

Quick shout out at a couple of my favorite people:

Matt(My heterosexual life mate) ; Tony(lil cuz) ;  Mike(Newest and good friend)

There are more out there but I’m not going to say them all. But to all those people out there that i would call a friend, I am thankful for having you in my life one way or another.

Enjoy the rest of 2009 people. May you make 2010 exactly what you want it to be.

I have completely lost my dedication towards furthering this website. . .

I have no goal for it
No cool ideas that i can easily incorporate into it.

Guess i will just use it for my slight blogging whenever i feel the urge to log in.
Also, Forum is back online if anyone feels the urge.

Well,

To do a small entry here goes…

I am as of recently attempting to make some changes in my life.

Work:
Had an interview for what seems to be a very promising job that i will hopfully be getting sometime in early January. Would be working at least 40hrs a week which would be a big plus in comparison to my current 32hrs a week with the current company. The dollar and a quarter raise would help alot for me to replinish my bank account.

Life:
I do not know what has been going on with me lately. I have so many things running around in my head and i cant make any sense out of half of it. Being so lonely but yet still ruining the chances of relationship with people. Being around friends and family is not cutting it. I feel there is a huge void that needs to be filled. Its just so hard for me to meet people with the intentions of developing some type of relationship. I need to figure something out soon because this constant unhappiness is truely taking its toll on me hardcore. Ahh sigh the world can be such an evil place.

I have recently heard that my “father” wishes to see my sister, mother and me. I have no idea what has caused this to come up but it greatly confuses me. He would not even look me in the face or speak in my direction when we were dealing with court non sense. Which i have come to terms with myself about, I never really cared about the money. The major reason i went after him was just the chance for him to look me in the eye and to apologise. Or at least say i fucked up my bad. But alas it never happened which truely just upset me more and caused more pain and troubles for me. As much as i hate to admit it and even with me constantly hiding emotions, i truely wished things would have ended positively.

Tech:
Recently purchased a Motorola Droid from Verizon. I have greatly enjoyed the step from Blackberry into the Android world. So many apps and fun things to play around with in Android. I have been reading up on linux to try and teach myself some things to be able to play around with the operating system. I will probably never actually develop an application for it but it is nice to start and understand the process involved.

Got me a copy of Windows 7 Ultimate. Now i just have to back up some files, folders and programs and i will be set to wipe my main Operating System HD and make the switch. Everyone who i have talked to about Windows 7 has highly praised it. Even the man who from the first time he heard of it talked so much trash about Microsoft and how they have seriously screwed their operating systems, Yes even he has fallen in love with it. I guess I owe it to myself and give it a run and see what happens. My system should hopfully fly on it. The great resource handling and preformance gains should be amazing.

Theres my update.
Thanks for dropping by.

I think the forum is going to be disbaled for now at least. I am going to switch things up a bit by uploading some files and just sharing some things that i greatly enjoy.

I can go into too much detail this very minute. But soon changes are going to start happening.

Peace out hoochies.

What a strange world it is. So many ups and downs that sometimes I cant figure out if im floating or drowning myself ha.

So ya i just turned 22 on Monday woohoo for me. Things have strayed so far off course it is almost unreal. Court is finally over, it was a servere let down in the end, but eh nothing i can do about it now. Things at work seem to be slowly deteriorating, which is just pretty much making work more and more unpleasent. If it wasnt for the little extra money i get here i would be begging to be released to go back to the home location. On the plus side when i do get released from this location i plan to take some vacation time shortly after. Unpaid of course but screw it i need to get some time away and try to clear my head.

Oh what to do, what to do?

Oh ya, For how dead this site is whoever may actually read this can prolly tell G-Stash is basically dead. I have almost completely lost all motivation on the site. For the most part i think it is do to work and my complete lack of direction. I still have yet to come up with anything positive to do with the site. Aside from turning it into a personal ramble blog, which honestly i would find kind of boring. But whatever.

So yo check it out, I need suggestions on vacation spots within the US. I dont need 5 star and it cant be hella expensive. I got a little money to throw down for a good spot but im not gonna blow all i got on it. You digg? So ya hit up the email below and tell me what you think would be a good fun way to relax and just forget everything for like a week.

Also, be a pal and check out the friendly sites tab up top. Some good websites from some awesome people.

If anyone has any vacation/site suggestions they can hit up; admin@g-stash.us

I have been transfered up to Springfield for the time being. This is only my second day up here but I have to admit I am kind of enjoying myself here. The people i have met are pretty cool and easy to get along with. The almost hour drive kind of blows, but at 4 in the morning the highways are dead and that makes the drive less of a headache.

Surprisingly enough i have made the transition to the 12 hour shifts fairly easily. Waking up at 2am and on the road by 3. I make it home sometime around 5 which leaves me a few hours in the evening to do some things or relax and grab a bite to eat before I have to head off to bed for the next day. One of the best parts about the change is I work a few days then have a few days off. Breaking up the work week really helps time pass and it doesnt feel like your just dragging along through the work week.

I am however kind of sad that i dont have enough time to put more work into the site or my other ambitions aside from working to collect my paycheck.

Well that pretty much sums up what is on my mind right now.

Have a great day.

The menu links have been moved up to the top of the screen to make some extra room for the new SHOUT BOX!!! lol

But ya, I had to move things around because i didnt want the right side of the screen all cluttered up. Because for some reason the shoutbox has to be on the side and i can make it sit in the center of the screen under whats now the menu links section. If that makes any sense.

I need my followers help….
I have kept the site on the downlow since i had no idea what i was going to do with it. But now that i have some extra features up and running, I would appreciate it if you all would spread the word. I know its basically just my boring blogs and such. But there is a general forum and a shout box that i would like to get put to use.

Lets make my little side of the e-world grow

Thanks for the suppport.